She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
