I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
