i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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