wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
