We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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