Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
