Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
