So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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