I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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