Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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