I wish my penis had an off switch
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
