I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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