State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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