She's JV to your varsity
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
