All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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