If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
