They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
