This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
