he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
