genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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