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just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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