i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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