absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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