Umm I'm too high to move.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
