Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
