I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
