we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
