This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
