i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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