I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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