Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
