Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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