Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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