True but thats because hes a fetus.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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