I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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