i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
