remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
