just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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