Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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