i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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