see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
