At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
