The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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