so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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