She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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