woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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