when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
