I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This house was built for laser tag.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
