Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
