like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
