was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
