It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize