her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
