what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
