Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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