Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
