you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
