I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
