OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
