Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
