turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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