I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
