How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
