oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
