Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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